Emily Parker spoke with author Freddie Pimm about his new book The Selfish Gospel, why there is so little discipleship in church and how God wants to make us more like Jesus.

The key difference between a relationship and a religion is in that difference between the Pharisees understanding of the kingdom of God and Jesus'. Jesus teaches that it's all about an attitude of repentance and love and the Pharisees taught it's all about rule keeping and religiosity. That's religion in a nutshell. It's about rule keeping and trying to meet the standard to be good enough in order to tick the box and get the prize. With Jesus we have all fallen short of God's perfect standard. It's not about trying to keep to rule, it's about loving God and repenting when we do mess up.

Emily: What advice would you give to those who may have felt hurt by the Church?

Freddie: That's one of the most difficult situations to be in. I have friends who have been hurt by the Church and are no longer going to any church because of that. I have friends who have been hurt by the Church and have continued to go to church but carried that wound.

It's important to remember that the Church is made up of people and people are broken. We try our best to reflect God's love, but we all fall short of that. It's important to remember when we are hurt by the Church that's almost certainly a reflection on the people who have treated us in a certain way, rather than God Himself. If we are rejected or wounded, it is not God that is trying to reject or wound us; it is unfortunately sometimes people who might be well-meaning and wanting the best for us, but maybe haven't quite got it right, or they've just fallen short themselves.

Remembering the context and situation is important. My advice is to go back. If it's a particular problem with a particular church, perhaps not to that church if that is a difficult situation, but to go back to God through a different church. Certainly in our personal time praying to God and meditating on His word.

Jesus faced the ultimate persecution, dying for all of our sins. He can empathise with us when we are wounded. He can empathise with us if we feel like we are being persecuted or derided in an unjust way. The only way we are going to find healing and forgiveness; the only way we are going to find wholeness again, if we are hurt or wounded by the Church, is by going back to the cross and Jesus and bringing the wounds and the pains to Him.

Emily: If somebody is considering going to Church for the first time, what should they be looking for in a church?

Freddie: That depends, person to person. There are loads of different styles of church and different styles suit different people. The most important thing to find in a church, is to find a community and family that wants to know you, invest in you and love you. There can be many different forms of worship, but for me that is what I want to see.

When I first went to St Albans, the church I go to now in Fulham, the thing that really stood out to me, was that we were a church plant and had started probably six years ago. I went just a week before the church was re-opened. I went there and I met people who just wanted to invest in me. I was in a quite broken place at that time and I met a family who wanted to love me, invest in me, and wanted to see me grow and become more like God. I think that's what you need whatever style of worship; whatever bells and smells or guitars and rock groups you want; you need to ignore almost all of that to some extent and find a church that wants to love you and that wants to invest in you.

Emily: How can we get hold of a copy of the book and find out more about it?

Freddie: There are few different ways to do that. The book is available in Christian bookshops and Amazon. To find out more you can go to the Facebook page The Selfish Gospel, and I also tweet and Instagram, I'm @Freddie_Pimm I also have a website www.freddiepimm.com where I blog and try to make sense of building the kingdom of God in the everyday. It's a bit of a response to 'The Selfish Gospel', looking at how I can take what I have talked about in theory and start to apply it in my own life and reflect on areas where I haven't always managed that in my own life. I also have a link on there to the book if you do want a copy online.