Mike Davies looks at the needs of both sexes

If you were to walk into one of the larger bookshops and enquire if they have any books on marriage, or relationships, or sex, you would definitely have an extensive selection to choose from. "But why?" These are key components of the human life and should be instilled in every one of us.

From the point of Adam and Eve through to the present time you may have contemplated that human kind might have sorted out the entire dating procedure and how to partake in a companionship so that it doesn't terminate in overall calamity - but no. We persist to struggle from one generation to the next. The explanation: Each one of us is unique and not a carbon copy of our parents or indeed anyone else. From the moment we are born, we need to live, experience, and experiment to find out who we are and how we operate. This is where so much goes wrong in society when role models are few and far between. We need 'fathers' to guide us in our walk and also in our faith.
The author, John Eldredge states that for every boy (man) there is an invitation. He states "But God made the masculine heart, set it within every man, and thereby offers him an invitation: Come and live out what I meant you to be" - the problem with most boys is we restrict them from being what God wanted them to be - Explorers!

Now how does this tie into relationships and sex? On 20th July 1969, Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. He was the first man to do so. Most of us familiar with his first words when he set his first step on the moon, "That's one small step for man, one giant step for mankind", but what puzzled many for years were his words on re-entering the Moon Lander: "Good luck, Mr Gorsky." On 5th July 1995, nearly 26 years after the event, Neil told the world that Mr Gorsky was a neighbour when he was a very young boy. In error a baseball had gone into Mr Gorsky's backyard. As Neil picked up the ball he overheard his neighbour, Mrs Gorsky, say "Sex! You want sex? You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!" Now this might be funny and a little ironic but it speaks volumes about a man and a woman's attitude to a relationship and specifically to sex.

John Eldredge suggests that in every boy's heart there is a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.

I have been in many a church on Palm Sunday when boys and girls are given palm crosses. It is generally inside a few minutes that the boys have made them into swords followed swiftly by a parental request that the warfare stops.

Last month, I was interviewed for a television programme and I was asked if I could say one word that is the secret to a strong relationship or a marriage what would it be? I answered, "Communication." There are periods when some men and women seem unable to coexist but what we require is an appreciation that men and women have a different focal point (at times). Forgive me for generalising but men and women are different and generally think in a different way. The writer, Tom Nelson, advises that for a man to be prepared and determined on sex it only takes seven seconds! For women, there is generally a much longer course of action. Men tend to centre on sex very quickly and women on romance. Through good communication we can start to be aware of each other's emotional as well as physical needs. A new relationship is like learning a new language; it takes effort, discipline and practice. Mr Gorsky would have got a lot further if he had considered giving to his wife's desires and serving his wife rather than take her for granted.

If we do not have the right focus our motivation and objective becomes twisted. Why is pornography such a large worldwide industry? Many men loose the heart to battle, to live life as an adventure, or to fight for the beauty. This desire then becomes twisted. I often get asked by married couples about re-kindling their love, I ask them to think about the romantic times, the effort that was made in the days before they were married. Communication and effort were then important to sustaining their relationship. Once a beauty has been won, a man needs to continue to fight for that beauty - in the case of a marriage for the rest of his life.

Now that leads me to sex before marriage. I get a lot of questions about this, mainly from the younger generation but what do we need to know? I asked some younger members in our church about peer pressure and to give me examples. One answered that at school peer pressure can relate to whether you are sexually active or not, or a boyfriend threatening to end a relationship if the girl does not agree to having sex. Putting aside the downside of sexual transmitted diseases, it does not help a future marriage if you bring into it a list of previous sexual relationships. I am not oblivious to the fact that when moving from a child to an adult and remaining an adult there are sexual desires that drive us. My prayer is that for each one of you that you can build your intimacy and focus with Jesus Christ and through your relationship with Him you can be strong in character and step into the true destiny that is planned for you. Relationships can be tough but if it is of God and you are right for each other then it will take time, effort, and good communication.