Heather Bellamy spoke with Psychotherapist Peter Mockford to find out how abandonment can affect relationships and how to deal with it.

Heather: With your body, if someone was punching you, you expect that there would be a physical effect and damage. Do you think we need to be more aware of each other's emotions?

Peter: Absolutely. We have to be able to engage properly with each other emotionally and recognise the dangers of it. We're very careful how we engage with one another physically, so we don't hurt one another. We've got to have the same kind of respect emotionally and realise that emotions have the capacity to really hurt. We need to be careful how we engage and be a lot more loving and gracious towards one another.

Heather: If someone has abandoned a child, or a partner, what would you want to say to them?

Peter: I'd say two things. First of all there would be issues there that you will have to work through, about why you did what you did. The other thing is to look at whether it is possible to make some kind of restitution. That may or may not be possible. The other thing I would say, is it's really important that if there is guilt there, that you come to a place where you know that you are genuinely forgiven. Otherwise it will eat away and it will turn to shame.

Heather: If someone has been abandoned, or maybe doesn't think they have, but has a fear of abandonment, what would you say to them?

Peter: First of all that the fear of abandonment is very valid and that most of us carry it to a greater or lesser extent. It's entirely normal. The second thing is that if the fear is massively high and is effecting how you operate relationally, then it may be worth looking at it in more depth. One of the ways of doing that is through counselling, through the GP system.