Sarah J spoke with Sasha D. Taylor

Sasha: The difference was - like I said, I was quite receptive and I'll go to church occasionally and stuff; I wasn't a big Bible reader but I was open to the atmosphere because I was at her house a lot. When I did decide to make the difference, it came about when the actual relationship broke up and I had nowhere else to run to basically. It was like maybe I'll try Jesus. You know when you're really down; that was when the change came for me.

Sarah: Things were quite difficult for you weren't they through the relationship breakdown. I haven't read the entire book, but some of the snippets I have read, it talks about how you even felt suicidal.

Sasha: Yes and to be honest, I was the one who broke the relationship. You know sometimes you're just not happy with something missing, but at the time I didn't realise you're always going to feel like that when you don't have a relationship with the Lord. I just knew there was something missing for me. So I broke the relationship but I was fine with it until he quite soon after decided to start a new relationship and I think that's when it kind of hit me badly.

Sarah: So it's the reality of, it's over now because he's found someone else that really shocked you?

Sasha: Yes

Sarah: And you continued to try to pursue getting him back through that period didn't you?

Sasha: Yeah I did. I continued to still have sex with him during that period and a lot of things go on in your mind. In the book I talk about soul ties and I didn't really know about things like that. Those things are real; because he was with somebody else and I still felt an urge to sleep with him. So that is not really normal is it? You know you wouldn't really do that to yourself would you? I continued to sleep with him and it made things worse for me emotionally and physically.

Sarah: I suppose it stopped you being able to move on as well.

Sasha: Yeah. I don't think I wanted to move on at the time. Part of me just wanted that connection. As I was still doing it, I realised that it was just hurting me. I talk about in the book the stage where I was still sleeping with him, but then I'd be looking across at him and thinking I hate you, you know, which really isn't good.

Sarah: That's a real mix of emotions isn't it?

Sasha: Yeah. It was a really low time for me.

Sarah: So you were feeling suicidal; you still wanted to have a hold on this guy and connect with him; at the same time you were like, no I don't and that was really messing you up. You didn't really want to let go of everything. You were beginning to think about Jesus as well. What was the turning point for you?

Sasha: I would say the turning point was just seeking the Lord. It was reading my Bible and developing my relationship with the Lord; because then I was finding out about myself. I was normally a confident person; then all of a sudden it just all went. My confidence went; I wasn't the leader. I was a more outgoing person; I became an ingoing person trying to deal with all of these things in my mind. So I would say the definite turnaround for me was, just saying Lord take me as I am. I want to do it your way because I feel really empty and I know something's missing, but just take me as I am Lord. That was basically the turn around. So I just developed a relationship, like with a friend. You know when you go through something - like I say at three o'clock in the morning - your friends don't want to hear your problems; I only had the Lord to talk to so I thought, let me talk to the Holy Spirit. I'd be there at three o'clock in the morning developing my relationship with the Lord and realising that - gosh he's talking back to me. Just things like that. It was definitely seeking God.

Sarah: So once you started to go on that journey and you spent that extra time, chatting to God and just pouring out yourself and being real and vulnerable before him, what would you say life's like as a result of that, as a result of that connection with God?