Joy Attmore reflects on the power of forgiveness.

Joy Attmore

"Forgiveness!"

The word rang out in stunning harmony, filling every nook and cranny of the huge Broadway theatre.

"Forgiveness!"

The power and resoluteness of this scene took me by surprise as I watched the unfolding of Hamilton on the stage below me. Forgiveness as a theme is not a new one to any stage, but I can't think of a prior moment when the purity of that word has just been allowed to ring out loud and clear, with no extra flowery language to take away from its impact.

Some words we know as merely that: words, with definitions of distant meaning found only in a dusty dictionary, not being lived out in our day to day. Forgiveness however is one that I have become intimately connected with and as my dear friend Mavis said recently, "is something that I have to do every day, whether that's forgiving someone whose rude to me on the subway or my husband for irritating me. I need to keep forgiveness as an ever-present reality."

A couple of years back, I found myself being deeply hurt by a then-close friend of mine. As hard as I have tried and as much as I have reached out, there hasn't yet been true reconciliation of relationship and so I have regularly found myself being triggered and needing to forgive in my heart again, in order not to allow bitterness to take root.

These are the situations where I find such truth and challenge in Jesus' words, in response to Peter's question of, "how often do I need to forgive? Seven times?"

Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven."
Matthew 18:22 (MSG)

Some people or situations are easy to forgive and move forward from. For example, in a moment of conflict I might feel hurt by my husband, but he always moves to restore connection with me afterwards, so that it has no lasting impact on our relationship. But what happens when the other person does not want to restore connection? This has been my recent challenge.

I love connection. I love the friendships in my life and maintaining them is of very high importance to me. When something becomes disconnected I cannot simply roll over and say, "oh well never mind", but rather I am sat awake all night thinking, "what did I do wrong? How can I make this better again?" Disconnection creates anxiety in my heart.

This is still very much a learning curve for me. I haven't mastered forgiveness, but I have become very familiar with it, in all its beauty, complexity and power. It's a choice I make. I don't have to implement it, but I would rather maintain a heart softened by vulnerability and love than hardened by bitterness and self-protection. So daily I make a choice to say, "I forgive you and I bless you. I bless your heart and your dreams. I bless your life and your connections and I love you."

Even as I sit and type those words I am repeating them again in my heart and I mean every single one of them. I don't know if I will experience full restoration of that relationship this side of heaven, I hope I do, but I can continue to follow the instruction of Jesus and forgive again and again. Why? Because it releases me and it also releases them, it allows freedom the room to operate in our lives and therefore gives way to life and life more abundantly.

So I join my voice to those of the cast of Hamilton and sing out from the deepest part of me, "Forgiveness!" because I know the liberty that word brings and I know the love that is its source.