Emily Parker spoke with author Jo Swinney about her new book 'Home, the Quest to Belong', her experience of being a 'third culture' child and what home means to her.

Jo: One example would be when I came over to boarding school at age 13 from Portugal and went through really profound culture shock, but also was fairly severely bullied. I haven't experienced isolation like that before. I guess it was English culture, but also the school culture and that particular group of girls. It all conspired to make me feel that I was not wanted and didn't fit. That would be one example.

Another would be when we moved to England after living in Canada. This was with my husband Shawn who's American. We moved into an area in south Buckinghamshire, which was really prosperous and very materialistic. We had just come out of studying for our masters and didn't have a penny, but also felt ourselves, I suppose, to be above all that. We were really horribly judgemental now I look back. We really struggled to fit in at first, but came to love it very much and came to accept the people and be accepted by them, but we were definitely different. We stood out like sore thumbs really.

Emily: What's the process that you have found yourself going through, particularly when you've felt like you've stood out? How have you worked through those feelings to find that feeling of belonging eventually?

Jo: I was absolutely determined to put roots down there. I have done a lot of moving and I was really ready to settle somewhere and the fact that it didn't come easily didn't necessarily bother me at that point. I was prepared to put the work in. I found people who were kindred spirits even if they didn't look like they were going to be on the surface. I found things to love in the place; I made a lot of effort to get to know the area, to get to know my neighbours, to get stuck into the church and the youth groups specifically and it just came gradually. I also had logged in the back of my mind comments someone had made to me as we were leaving Vancouver. They'd said it takes two years to fully feel at home somewhere, so that was a good framework to have and I didn't worry too much, but it did take, probably, that amount of time.

I think it's good to be realistic and therefore be kind to yourself and be kind to the people around you, because to start again from scratch with all your relationships, to relearn all those basic things like where you catch the bus from and where you can get milk, it's tiring and it does take time to become your new normal.

Emily: Over the years, as you've travelled from country to country, what has your experience of home sickness been when you have arrived in those new destinations?

Jo: I have had a lot of home sickness. As the places I've lived have stacked up, so my home sickness has become a bit more dispersed, because I'm home sick for more and more places in some ways. I think now we've lived in England well over 10 years and lived in Surbiton, where we are now, for four years, I mostly feel very much at home.

It's just things will take me by surprise sometimes. Sometimes I have really vivid dreams of being back somewhere and I wake up feeling like I've sobbed my heart out and just pining to be somewhere, that particular place; or it might just be a smell will catch me, from a bush or someone's perfume and I'm transported to another place and I suddenly get overwhelmed by this feeling of longing to be in that place and not where I am. For me it's a bit of a discipline to pull that back in and to choose to accept and embrace my present place.

Emily: For somebody that's struggling with home sickness, what advice would you give them?

Jo: It would be to not let yourself fester on that sensation of longing and on looking over the horizon somewhere else. Be kind to yourself because home sickness is a really genuine thing and it's hard, but also I think you're going to have a much better chance of getting better from home sickness if you keep your eyes where you are, and look for things to love; to be grateful for where you are and don't spend too much time thinking about another place.

Emily: One of the chapters in your book is about something called 'wanderlust'. For some people this has actually become a way of life and something that some people will live by. I have got a few friends that will long for going travelling and will have those moments a bit like, 'Oh, I've got wanderlust again'. What does that mean to you and have you experienced wanderlust?

Jo: Yes. I thought until probably my mid 20's, that that would be me and that would be my life, constantly on the move, and up and off somewhere new; never settled, just having one adventure after another, in one exotic place after another. That's what it says to me really, this kind of itchy feet syndrome where as soon as you've been in one place too long you just suddenly get that urge to up and off.

Emily: Do you ever get those feelings even now?

Jo: No, I definitely am still working against that feeling. There is something about having tiny children that does make you hope you can escape sometimes. Our family is off on a massive road trip around America in August, and I'm really excited. I've been day dreaming about it probably way too much. I don't know if I'll ever be able to travel the world again in the way that I maybe could, because of commitments and money and because I guess my understanding of adventure has changed. I now more locate adventure within myself. I think if you are easily bored, you're going to be easily bored anywhere. You have to have an interesting inner life and then you can turn the most non-descript suburb into an adventure.