Kat Mills on meltdowns and answered prayer.

Kat Mills

We all experience those moments in life when something that could usually be passed off as small or insignificant, can suddenly feel like a mountain that is impossible to climb. These situations are usually heightened by a lack of sleep, or feeling ill, and suddenly our normal reactions go out of the window.

This happens to me on a regular basis. As I have come to terms with my diagnosis of autism it has helped me understand why this happens often. This knowledge allows me to devise ways to counter these responses and be able to prepare myself for these situations and learn how to overcome them.

I struggle to process situations at the same rate as others and this makes it harder to deal with sudden changes and trying to have immediate measured reactions. More often than not I feel an overwhelming sense of panic engulfing me from all sides.

This morning was a prime example. I'd had a disturbed night with my son and then on top of that, a very early wake up. I hadn't been feeling that great for a few days, was in some pain, and I knew my husband was having to go away for work for a few days. All of these things conspired to leave me feeling more drained than usual.

I was at a shop trying to find some pretty summer shorts, as the recent weather is so hot and I really need more than one pair of shorts! I found a couple of items I wanted to try on, only to find that the dressing rooms were closed until 11am. I went and asked for some help either to get in, or to be able to go to the toilets and try them on. I was blankly refused and was told either I had to buy them before I could try them on, or wait until 11am.

Maybe another day I could have processed this better, but as these words were being uttered I could feel myself start to shut down. I walked away from the till a few paces and the shutdown happened. I couldn't move. I felt tears burning my eyes, and felt incredibly panicky. I was desperately trying to rifle through my brain and remember how to bring myself out of this, but I was struggling and just wanted to crumple into a hysterical mess on the floor. I was able to remind myself that this situation was okay. It was a meltdown, but I would get through it. I reminded myself to breathe and decided to count to one hundred in my head. I had no idea what I would do next, but it was a start.

It was at this point that I prayed that God would send someone to help me who would be understanding and literally seconds later two kind ladies came over to me and asked if I was okay. I was able to explain that I was autistic and having a meltdown. One lady had seen what happened at the customer service and was very understanding that I was trying to process this. They just chatted to me for a few minutes, offered me a drink and a seat if I needed it, and were just really caring. During this time, and through their kindness, my body and brain managed to reboot and I was able to start functioning again.

Today's meltdown reminded me of a few things. Firstly, because I am learning more about how I work, and why I struggle in certain ways and how to overcome, I was able to have a much better control over the meltdown than in previous years - this is progress! By being open with the ladies who offered help, they were able to help me quickly and effectively. It also reminded me of the importance of being aware when I am having a more challenging day. Today when I had a lack of sleep and was feeling under the weather was probably not the best day to go out shopping somewhere busy. A lesson for next time! Most importantly it reminded me once again of the amazing love of God, and the value of prayer.

This was a quick prayer in the midst of difficult situation, but it was done in the knowledge that God loves me enough to answer prayers which may seem small and insignificant. In that moment I desperately needed help, and God provided. I am learning more and more the importance of being fully reliant on God and His strength - simply asking when I need help.

I have many challenges to face, but I don't have to be defined by these difficulties and weaknesses. With God's strength and love I can overcome these. I believe that God loves each and every person and wants to give us strength and peace. Are we willing to ask?