Joy Farrington's latest lessons in love

Joy Attmore

Through a crazy turn of events involving problems with my visa in Ecuador, I spent a day in Manta, a city on the coast, with three guys whose help had been recommended to me. This was a week ago and I now write this from my apartment in Quito, in what has become my last week in Ecuador for now.

I've realised recently that I'm a very trusting person. I delight in seeing the gold in people and looking past the dirty hands and faces that I am sometimes shown first. I think I also enjoy a very constant place of peace that comes from a source deep within me. I've decided that these are good qualities to have and have enabled me to walk into environments or situations that other people would run from and know that it will not overwhelm me. My day in Manta was certainly a time that helped me to come to this conclusion!

I arrived in the small coastal town, that carries in the wind the distinct smell of seafood, just after seven in the morning. My contact, an American man in his early fifties, who I'll name Ben, met me with a taxi accompanied by two Ecuadorians. By 9am we had finished at the visa office and I had 10 hours to kill before my return flight to Quito. One of the guys I was with, who I shall call Jose, invited me to join them for the day and so, being someone who prefers the company of others and who felt in good hands, I happily agreed.

Jose left Ben and I to take an American client to the bank whilst I got given a tour of the fish market on the beach. My 3am start was beginning to catch up on me and cause my eyes to threaten to shut, when Ben told me that Jose had actually taken their client to a brothel. My heart fell to the floor as the truth began to unfold of the men that I was sharing company with. It almost felt like a violation that these men had gone to pay for sex at the same time as seemingly wanting to help me.

An hour later a very drunk Jose stumbled out of his taxi, music blaring from within, to embrace me in a big hug. 'I told you I'd come back for you girl,' he said as he kissed my cheek. The remainder of my day was spent with Jose, listening to him as he rambled in both vulnerability and sincerity as well as with bravado and anger, and trying to ensure that he didn't get into any trouble!

He unfolded his story to me, how at the age of seven he moved to Canada and by the time he was 20 was one of the biggest drug traffickers there. He got caught however and sentenced to 25 years in prison yet after seven years behind bars managed to escape (he refused to tell me how). He then returned to Ecuador and has been living here ever since keeping his bad reputation intact in order to protect himself.

At one point he almost seemed to sober up for a second as he looked me straight in the eyes and leaning across the table, took hold of my hands. 'I'm scared. I have to protect myself or the pimps will kill me. I have a gun in the car, I have a gun at home. I have to protect myself. You don't understand girl, it's different here. If I don't have a bad rep, they'll kill me. I hate pimps. I have three daughters, I have a wife, I would never pimp them out. I hate it. My brother was a pimp and I punished him for it. You can't just change things here girl otherwise they'll kill you.'

As much as there was so much that I detested about Jose's lifestyle and also a limit to how much I knew that I could trust him, I found my heart softening towards him. He was old enough to be my dad but in many ways he was just a boy. It saddened me to see the lies that were so embedded in him, that change wasn't possible and violence was his only form of protection or solution to his problems.

Before I was escorted to the airport to catch my flight, Jose took me to the bars in Manta where girls are pimped out as well as showing me one of the drug houses where he conducts deals. I certainly got more than I was bargaining for and sadly I didn't even get the legal papers I was promised, as Ben seems to have scammed me out of money with nothing in return, but I did get to spend 10 hours with some really broken men and bring my source of peace to them.

It wasn't until I was sat waiting for my flight that I really began processing some of the danger that I'd potentially been in. I had spent the day with a drunk guy and his gun, who has one of the worst reps in Manta, and I actually feel so privileged that I did!

I have no idea what will happen to him or what decisions he will make from now on but I believe that I got the opportunity to show him a different perspective on life even if just for a few hours. These are the moments that can seem utterly ridiculous, crazy and even scary sometimes but they are still opportunities for love and truth to shine if we allow them to. I sat and challenged Jose that killing all of the pimps was not going to solve anything and taking his clients to brothels was a terrible business choice! And rather than rejecting what I said he listened to me and later even apologised for taking his client that morning.

I don't share this tale because it has an amazing redemptive ending but because sometimes we end up sat with drug lords and we can either choose fear or choose to challenge with love.