Sarah J spoke with authors Hazel and Heather

Hazel Pattison and Heather Puffett

Heather Puffett and Hazel Pattison are both married to high-achieving Christian leaders. When they first met they recognized in each other the same symptoms: a sense of inadequacy, a spirit of fear, a need to don masks of efficiency. Responsibility terrified them. Yet both were convinced that there was more to life. Out of much study and prayer was born the conclusion that they were truly daughters of the King. Fear and masks belonged to the past. They developed a fuller appreciation of their identity in Christ. This led to deeper friendships with other women; an appreciation of the importance of personal integrity, loyalty and trustworthiness; a willingness to be accountable. They had started to grow as Christians and as individuals. Having just released Live Life Big Or Stay In Bed, to help realise and release the potential of women, Sarah J wanted to find out more.

Sarah J: I've just been reading, literally this week a book that's hot off the press, it's called Live Life Big or Stay In Bed and it's been published by Monarch books and you guys are the authors aren't you?

Heather: Yeah. We're really excited. Never done anything like this before and so it's just been an incredible adventure.

Sarah J: Now I know that the kind of strong message that comes out really across the whole of the book is really about going for it in life and really kind of pushing yourself and taking on some challenges and being stretched and developing and growing as a Christian isn't it?

Heather: That's right yes. You know Jesus says he's come that we might have life and have life in abundance. I think so often we're just so stressed and so busy and so preoccupied, that we're just trying to survive in life, that we forget to live life to the full really. I think we actually end up missing out on so much in life.

Sarah J: That was really the heartbeat around the title of the book isn't it, because it's called Live Life Big or Stay in Bed. I confess I quite like staying in my bed, so explain to us the title.

Heather: I think staying in bed is obviously a figurative; particularly you know what will keep us in bed. Our things like our fears; feelings of inadequacies; feelings of being overwhelmed by past failures; just feelings of we haven't got what it takes to give. So the staying in bed is more being held captive because we don't feel we've got what it takes. So that's really where the title came from. It was birthed from the fact that Hazel and I, when we met, we were very much in the stage where we felt quite bound by fears in our life, really frustrated and really had come to a place where we had had enough. We decided there must be more than this and decided to be brave and take a step and be challenged, and you know we rose to the challenge. We're just at the beginning of a journey of starting to explore what it means to live life to the full.

Sarah J: Now Hazel in the book you say that you saw a bumper sticker that said blind spots kill. I guess that's really what Heather's been describing, the situations in life. How is it that other people help you get rid of your blind spots?

Hazel: I think so often with our own lives we can do things so out of habit that in the end we don't know that we're doing them. I think it often takes other people to come alongside us, and help to identify those insecurities, or those things that hold us back; for us it just becomes a way of life; it just becomes the norm. You know one of the real beauties of friendship of having people that you can trust is to know that they can speak into your life and they can actually point out those areas of weakness that so often we don't see in our own lives.

Sarah J: Heather you talk also about the value of close friendships in the book. One of the things that you raise is about how that when you're in close friendships and other friendships, that sometimes you get offended by the person. How can we actually overcome those offences so we can get that richness of the relationships, so that we can still continue pressing on together?

Heather: This is a big one and a simple trap that we can fall into. The reality is when we're offended we just lose perspective on everything. I think the first step really is being open and honest. Where there is a relationship there's obviously a measure of trust. I think just speaking to the person and being as honest and open as possible and gently just talking through these things; it just brings it into the light. Often offence is because we haven't necessarily understood the situation correctly, or it could be just as a result of a misunderstanding. So communication is absolutely crucial. When we choose not to talk about it and bury things that actually are just beginning to fester, before we know it we're just harbouring bitterness and anger and we just get robbed of so much joy. That's a brave thing to talk and it sometimes is a difficult thing and it can be an uncomfortable thing, especially if you're not used to being open about what you are feeling. I've found that in virtually every situation where I've had to talk on that level with people, it just brings so much healing into the situation on both parties. Communication for me is key in friendship.

Sarah J: Hazel you talk about your personal journey from being a people pleaser to being a people lover. Can you describe to me what that means?

Hazel: As I mentioned in the book, the way that God is made and particularly the way that I've been wired, is that I just love people. From such a young age, you know, I've always been fascinated by people and what makes them tick. I recognise that from such a young age though, it's almost like that was stolen and the enemy just twisted it; that need to fit in and that need to belong became all consuming. You know God intended for me to be in a place of freedom where I could be a blessing to others. I think I got to the point where all I wanted to do was to please people in order to fit in and as a result I compromised it in so many areas of my life and ended up being really not true to myself; not the person that God intended me to be. It led to such a place of bondage, because instead of being free in everything that God had put within me, I ended up just seeking to please others and live up to other people's expectations which were very hard to fulfil.

Sarah J: You also talk about the kind of pressure of trying to be good all the time and how you had to have a bit of a mindset change around that and how it is important for people to have mindset changes. I really liked this bit - you described it around being a filing cabinet whereby some of the drawers are truth drawers and some of them are lie drawers and we need to swap the lies into the truth. How can people practically do that if there are lies that they've believed, or their thinking has been a little bit stinking as you describe it. How can people practically turn that around?