Baz Gascoyne reflects on the consequences of fatherlessness and the impact of responding to God as Father

Baz Gascoyne

Father's Day has never been a day that I have worried about forgetting to send a card as my father has never been around to be one. When I was very young he abandoned me and my mother to live in Africa. I can still remember at junior school the taunts from other children encircling me and shouting, "Bastard, Bastard, Bastard" in the playground. I always hoped and believed one day he would come home and I would have him back in my life. Sadly that was not to be.

I am in no doubt that not having a father in my life affected me in many ways from being starved of love, affirmation and a male role model in my life. This had a huge impact on my developing years as a child, teenager and young man: anger, mood swings, stealing, jealousy, hatred, bullying, loneliness, over-indulging in alcohol and fighting, (which I never won), was the regular diet of my life. Living at times in a single parent household and at times with my grandparents did have a huge effect.

In the UK we have a massive percentage of people who have never experienced the love of a father for various reasons and the fatherless epidemic generation continues to increase. Apparently over 1 million children in the UK have no contact with their father whilst they are growing up. In one area of Sheffield where I live 75% of households have a lone parent which is commonly a woman. The need for fathers in our society is huge.

Pope John XX111 once said: "It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father".

Can anything be done to turn this situation around? I believe it can and it can start with you and me.

I am not a father humanly and this saddens me at times, but I have tried not to let this disappointment stop me from being a father figure to others and giving them the love, support and encouragement that they need. This is not always easy. When I first heard that God wanted to be a Father to me I struggled; when I realised He wanted me to be a father to others I struggled - my experience of fatherhood was terrible. However, as I have let God bring healing into the hurting areas of my life through support and love from others, counselling, many tears and letting go of the hatred and pain, I have been able to receive God's love for myself and other men's love for me. This has then helped me to endeavour to be a positive male role model to others and be a father figure to those who need it.

"Listen to God with a broken heart. He is not only the doctor who mends it, but also the Father who wipes away the tears" Criss Jami.

Two years ago I saw my father for the first time in over 20 years. He told me I was a mistake and that he never wanted to see me again: this is his decision, which I will respect. However his first statement is a big lie: I was not a mistake and neither are you. God knew you when you were in your mother's womb. He was totally committed to you then just as He is now. Let the heavenly Father who loves you so much Father you so you can then father others. No longer will you be called a 'Bastard', but a son or daughter of the greatest Father there is.

Happy Father's Day.