Baz Gascoyne looks at rectifying past mistakes

Baz Gascoyne

I don't know anyone who hasn't got at least one regret, be it from school days, something to do with a family member, or even something that has happened this week.

According to recent research most people have more than a few regrets and are reckoned to spend an average of 44 minutes every week thinking about things they wished they had done differently.

In the research the regrets mentioned include wishing they had put more effort in the classroom, saving more money, not exercising enough, not travelling more around the world and wishing they had not taken up smoking.

All of these regrets can be rectified. I left school with no qualifications; a few certificates in various sporting achievements, but nothing to shout about in the academia world. I had believed a teacher who told me at the age of 10 that I was thick and would never achieve anything and that I was a waste of space and time. I lived that lie for many years until I went back to college to do English Language GCSE in 2000 and then did an MA in 2003, passing both. We may have regrets but we can turn from them and not let them hinder our future.

A few weeks ago I attended a senior school reunion and met up with many old school friends including one of my closest school mates whom I had not seen for over 20 years. Four months previously I had felt challenged by God to write to him expressing my deep regret of bullying him verbally and physically whilst at school, even though he was one of my best mates. Why did I bully him? Because I was jealous of him. He never replied to my email, so when we met at the reunion the atmosphere was initially tense. He eventually mentioned the email and we discussed its contents and my behaviour at school and my regrets. I apologised to this guy again face to face and I was very interested to see how he could not accept my apology, dismissing it as just part of growing up. Even though at school I had been bullied by guys five years older than me, I said to my friend that that was no excuse and didn't justify my behaviour to him. I was pleased I could publicly apologise to this guy even though he kept saying it didn't matter. It did matter though as no-one deserves to be bullied and have their lives messed up by people like me! I have regretted the way I behaved to him but was pleased I could rectify my wrong.

A lady called Bronnie Ware worked with dying patients and said that the top five regrets spoken aloud on their death beds were:

1. "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." Feeling that they had wasted their lives and still had many unfulfilled dreams

2. "I wish I hadn't worked so hard". An action which caused them to not spend as much time with children and partners.

3. "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings." Annoyance that they suppressed their feelings, which they felt they were compromising.

4. "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends." Lost friendships due to relocation, marriage, children and general busyness.

5. "I wish that I had let myself be happy."

"A man is not old until his regrets take the place of his dreams" anon

Whatever regrets you are carrying around please don't let them weigh you down. We have a God who loves us and forgives. Also we can do something positive and wherever possible rectify any wrongs we have caused.

Let us be men who on our death beds don't reel off a load of regrets, but instead look back at our lives grateful for the wonderful and exciting adventure we have had with God and our loved ones.

"Don't let the past dictate your future but let your future dictate your present" Martin Scott