Kat Mills on overcoming fear and learning to trust God.

Kat Mills

I remember so strongly as a little child that when I had fallen over, was scared, lost or worried, I would suddenly get scooped up into the strong arms of my mum, dad, or grandparent. Their strength and presence would reassure me, calm my fears and help me feel safe. Even if scary stuff was still going on, I could just nuzzle my head into their neck or chest, and I could no longer see it or be afraid, because I trusted that they would get me to safety.

As I have been discovering more about who I am, and how I work, I recognise that I have a very child-like heart, and I am learning to embrace it.

The feeling of wanting to be safe is still key for me. As I grew up, more was expected of me, and the world became a scarier place as I became more aware of things. I was no longer able to be scooped up anymore, and so my need for safety was not being fulfilled. It meant that I ended up withdrawing and keeping away from anything that might represent risk.

I was much more carefree and adventurous when I was younger - I used to hurl myself off things and climb trees with no sense of potential danger. The older I got the more I was conscious of potential pain and what might happen if I left my safety zone. Over the years this has meant that I have missed out on a lot of things, as any potential joy was vastly outweighed by the fear and the need in my heart for safety.

I've felt God start to speak to me on this issue. I had been looking at the four walls of my house, or to my husband for feelings of safety. The reality is that I can't always be at home, and I can't always be with my husband, or people who make me feel safe. God was saying that I was looking to the wrong places, as He was the only one who could continually provide for my need. My Heavenly Father told me to trust Him to keep me safe, no matter what is going on, and if I am mid-storm, that I will still be secure with Him. As He comforted me and soothed my soul, I felt Him also challenge me to be willing to get out of my self-made safety zone.

It was shortly after this that God opened the way for me to travel to America, by myself, to visit friends and leaders from a worship school I have been training with recently. My initial reaction came out of the years of fear and self-reliance: how could I fly to a different country by myself, get a taxi to someone's house I had never met, stay with strangers, meet loads of people I had never met before, and have little or no control over a lot of what I did or ate?

I woke up the next day in a cold sweat. I knew there was no possible way I could manage this on my own. Then it hit me - God wasn't asking me to do this on my own. He had promised that I would never be alone and that I needed to trust Him.

It made me realise that we can often say we trust someone, but then our actions say something different. For years my actions have often been inconsistent with what I have been saying to God, so this time I decided to take that jump and put my faith into action. I booked my flights and in March I went to America for ten days!

I learned what it is to be safe in my Father's arms, miles away from everything that had always represented safety to me. I was doing so much, so out of my comfort zone, but I was no longer plagued by feelings of fear and anxiety, because I knew He was with me. He was in every detail of the trip.

One particular incident demonstrated God's hand in my journey. When I flew out I had no idea who would be sitting next to me, and I had been praying hard that whoever it was would be understanding if I went into sensory overload and the ensuing panic. The lady who sat next to me understood my struggles as her son had ASD. She knew exactly how to support me when I felt unwell, or panicky on the plane. She mothered me and told me after we had been talking for the first ten minutes that she would take me through security and put me in my taxi when we arrived, and she was true to her word. I was so overwhelmed by my Father's love. He cared for me so much that He was in the smallest of details.

I have learnt that wherever I go I am safe in my Father's arms, and this has given me the courage and peace to step out in confidence, and no longer live in fear or anxiety. I don't need to hide at home, but can enjoy the abundance of life He has for me. I hope this encourages you, and that you too would know that you can be safe in the Father's arms.