Emily Graves spoke with author Julie Gorman



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Emily: How do we find healing from past relationships when things have ended badly?

Julie: That is the million-dollar question because the truth is, we can't always change the way we feel. We can't always change how those things have impacted us, but we can always change the way we think, so when we can't change the way we feel, we have to go into our thought process and to realise that progress always involves process. There's going to be steps towards healing and there's gonna be times when we're going through life and we think, "Haven't I already been here, haven't I already dealt with this part of my life?" only to realise we still have other areas that need to be addressed.

What I've come to understand is though our past shapes us, it doesn't have to define us and as we take those steps towards healing, when we get to that place where the pain of staying the same exceeds our pain of change, I believe that's when we're ready to initiate our progress; initiate that process where we begin to take steps towards allowing God to redefine who we are and allow God to come in and to meet those areas of our life. I believe it's only when we do that and when we humble our hearts and say, "God, I need your help desperately", that we'll find the grace to move past those memories, or those things that once truly shaped our hearts and our thoughts and our attitudes towards people.

The truth is we gravitate towards what we contemplate. It's like our personal relationship with Christ, where we're asking His help and His healing and all of that - I believe the other part is we truly have to take note of what we're entertaining. I drive down the road sometimes and I'll be out in the country and I'll be by the seaside and I'll see a beautiful sunset and immediately what ends up happening is as I'm driving down the road I'll hear this jarring of my tyres over the gradient on the side of the road to let me know I'm going off the road. And what I realise is again I gravitate towards what I'm contemplating. If I wouldn't have been looking towards that sunset, if my eyes would have been focused on the road, I would have turned towards the road and would have never felt that gradient underneath my tyres. And so often, I think even in our path of healing, we start focusing on all the things that we have to fix. So as we learn to take hold of our thoughts, and as the apostle Paul writes in the Bible, he says, "Take every thought captive to the cross", and I believe that as we take our thoughts captive to the cross, it reminds us of God's unconditional love for us, that He is with us, that He's for us, He's fighting for our affection and it also shows us the kind of love He said, to love others as I have loved you. Well that kind of love when we take every thought captive to the cross doesn't leave a whole lot of room for selfishness. I'm not talking about being somebody's doormat, or staying in an unsafe environment, but what I am talking about is a heart's attitude of giving and serving and loving as Christ gave loved and served for us.

Emily: Julie it's been wonderful chatting with you, if anyone wants to find out more how can they do so?

Julie: My website is juliegorman.com.

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The opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those held by Cross Rhythms. Any expressed views were accurate at the time of publishing but may or may not reflect the views of the individuals concerned at a later date.