Gen 1:31, Gen 2:18, John 15:12-17, Matthew 25:35-45

Carl Belcher

On a recent train journey I was forced to stand in the aisle during the whole journey because all the seats had been taken. What made it more interesting though was that I had my 10 month old son in my arms and each time the train stopped at a station, I had real difficulty in keeping my balance and not ending up on the floor or with Nathanael in the lap of some rather hopeful grannies sat next to us. After a couple of stops I soon realised that the only hope I had of staying upright was to hang on for dear life to the grab rail above my head. I was so glad it was there and within reach and no matter how sharply the train driver slammed his anchors on, Nathanael and I escaped without injury. In fact thinking that it was a game, Nathanael loved the whole ordeal!

This got me thinking about what 'grab rails' or 'anchor points' do I need to have in my life to keep me from falling when it feels like everything else is moving around you? And I've come to realise something that I've not really understood before - Friends are essential, not optional.

I'm ashamed to admit that I used to think that people who put a high emphasis on developing and maintaining deep friendships were probably somehow weak or simply didn't rely on God enough to provide the encouragement, sense of worth and fulfilment that He brings.

I've come to realise that the yearning for fulfilling friendships is not due to a deficiency in someone's relationship with God, it is part of His great design. God has deliberately designed us for friendship. Even before mankind stuffed up and sin entered the world, God said that even though everything He had made was 'very good' (Gen 1:31), 'it is not good for the man to be alone' (Gen 2:18). A personal relationship with God on it's own will never bring the sense of completion that we were designed to experience through friendship with God and other people.

In the same way that John F. Kennedy said "ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country." I would like to ask you not what sort of friend would you like to have, but what sort of friend would you like to be?

I found these Ten Qualities of Friends that someone else has proposed:

1. Friends know me well and like me anyway
My friends are very accepting of me just the way I am. They don't tell me what I 'should' do, although they sometimes suggest things they think would benefit me.

2. Friends are honest
We are honest and straightforward with each other. She will be assertive without malice, even if it means I don't get my own way. We respect each other's differences and preferences.

3. Friends are like a breath of fresh air
We enjoy each other's company and most of the time we have a lot of laughter to share. The only time we don't laugh at something is when something serious is going on and then we are there for each other to be of comfort.

4. Friends are good listeners
A friend cares about what I have to say and listens without passing judgment. I can share things that are very private. She responds in such a way that I no longer feel so vulnerable in my private space.

5. Friends are willing to lend a helping hand
When I've been sick, my friend has come over with cough syrup, breathe right strips and company. She cleaned my house when I could not do so. Her willingness to come to my aid was a blessing and I'll always be grateful that she was there for me.

6. Friends can be trusted with confidences
By nature, I trust friends to keep confidences to themselves. If I find out that the confidence has been breached, I've learned a lesson. I won't drop her as a friend, but will keep our conversations on a more superficial level. More on this is covered in No. 9 (Friends are Human, Too).

7. Friends share some similar interests
Maybe we share a spiritual connection, a mutual affiliation with a group, or another mutually enjoyable pastime. One friend and I enjoy going to the movies and out to dinner. Another friend and I get together just because we enjoy the fellowship.

8. Friends encourage each other
Friends cheer each other on over reaching goals, overcoming challenges and whatever else. We are the cheering section for each other, never putting a wet blanket on an idea, even if we consider it wacky, but not harmful.