Canadian singer/songwriter JAYLENE JOHNSON has found the faithfulness of God in physical and emotional hurt. She was quizzed by Tony Cummings.

Usually the phrase "independent artist" means an artist in the relatively early stages of their career yet to attract the attention of the marketing moguls and the big record companies. Yet in the case of Canadian singer/songwriter Jaylene Johnson, whose powerful song "Only Have My Love" is currently a turntable hit on Cross Rhythms radio, we are faced with a singer who has made major strides in here homeland's Christian music scene. Jaylene has won national songwriter awards and the 2004 Covenant Awards (the Canadian equivalent of the Doves) saw her receive five nominations. Jaylene's music has been described as "insightful, evocative and inspiring art." She was born and raised in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, where she still lives. Jaylene spoke candidly about her early years. "My home was a Christian home, though my upbringing was tumultuous and my parents ultimately separated when I was 13. I have always been aware of God's presence in my life, and I know that's because of others' prayers and my own simple acknowledgement of him as Lord at the age of three. Really, I credit him for it... He has really met me, especially this past year.

"Music was always an outlet for me. I've been singing and playing the piano for as long as I can remember, and involved in church music since I was a child. Music and theatre were my main interests in school, and I always wrote; stories, poems and thoughts found their way to many a scrap piece of paper or journal. I wrote my first song when I was quite young...Maybe 12? But I was very insecure about my songwriting. It wasn't until my 20s when I could not find adequate expression in singing other people's songs that I really started to apply my writing skills to music in a more serious way. The funny thing is that at one point I asked God to take away my desire to sing. It was a desire that was with me when I woke up and when I went to sleep at night, and for some reason I doubted that he would actually give me something that I loved so much. But I've come to learn that the desire is part of me because he designed me with certain gifts and wants me to use them. When I started to be more proactive and believe that he had good things for me in music, he began opening the doors and really blessing me."

Jaylene's recording career began with an independent album, 'Not Forgotten' (2000) and an EP, 'Shortcut' (2002), but today feels that 'Finding Beautiful' was her first "viable" effort. The singer explained, "It was the first time I'd had national distribution, regular radio exposure and an international response to my music. I had met a producer named Stephen Rendall from Alberta and after meeting with him and his co-producer, Eldon Winter, I knew they could offer what I was looking for for a second project. I really wanted to grow as an artist and as a writer, and I knew they would push me for great songs. They also take their time making a record, and this made the experience even more satisfying for me as an artist. I should say too that 'Finding Beautiful' is the result of a lot of support from friends and family and fans. Over half of the recording costs were sponsored by people who believe in my work through the support of a ministry called Hear The Music in Winnipeg. The part that other people played is so significant to me, and I am really blessed to have had the opportunity I did in making this project."

I asked Jaylene to tell me what inspired her Cross Rhythms radio hit "Only Have My Love"? She explained, "'Only Have My Love' originally began as an indictment of politics in church music. It is rare to find a church where there is no tension in the area of music. Much of the time it's tension between people who want traditional music versus people who want contemporary choruses. There is also often tension among the musicians themselves rather than cooperation and mutual appreciation. We have also really elevated the idea of music as "worship" in our North American Christian culture. In fact, it is not uncommon to call the music director of a church the 'Worship Pastor' or to call the time of singing in a service the 'Worship Time'. I have real issues with this. Shouldn't our worship be holistic? He calls us to offer everything we do as an act of worship to him. It's not that I've arrived at that, but he has certainly revealed himself to me in the most bizarre circumstances that have nothing to do with music. Who's to say that baking a loaf of bread cannot be worship? Or perhaps others connect with him best when on the golf course, or when caring for a child. We have over-spiritualised music, and under-spiritualized the rest of life. I can't say enough how dangerous I think this is. It allows us to compartmentalise...Sunday morning is for worship, sure, but what about the rest of the time?

"In over-emphasising the role of music in church, we pick it apart. For example, a lot of people, having had an amazing emotional experience at church as a result of singing songs they liked in a manner they enjoyed, will leave the service saying 'What great worship!' Why? Is it because THEY felt something? Maybe God was nudging them to put a little more in the offering plate, or to be friendly to someone less desirable in the vestibule, or maybe chairs needed to be stacked but they hurried home for their afternoon nap. Other things that he was asking for were avoided, but because of a positive emotional experience with the music they said it was great worship. Conversely, if they didn't like the music that morning, they may leave the service feeling a little bit flat. Aren't we missing the point? We are called to sing, clap, dance, praise because of who he is and because he deserves it. He alone is worthy of praise and admiration. It is not about a feeling, even though music is emotional and God often responds to us spiritually and emotionally when we offer him songs. But worship is for him, not us. I believe God should be the one measuring whether or not it was 'good worship', and that his gauge is based on the love in our hearts.

"So, what began as an indictment based in my own frustrations and criticisms then evolved into a realisation that I have played a part in the politics and in the problem. As a music leader, I have wanted people to like me. Some people have placed me on a pedestal when it comes to music in church, making me their favourite and angling for my participation over others'. Because of my frustrations with pettiness and politics, I had forsaken a genuine love for his people, and while I had sincerely meant to be loving him in it all, I realised that I wasn't truly loving him if I wasn't loving people. Then came the thought: what if I could not offer him music at all? The answer is that love is the core thing. It is the thing that Jesus himself placed at the highest level of importance when it came to religious practice. It is essential to worship. Can we make it the most important thing, and not all of the bells and whistles that accompany the culture of Christianity?

"God's really worked in my heart in this area. This change has extended to all areas of music leadership in church when I am provided the opportunity. I'm not sure how worship music works in European church culture, but if I could say anything to 'worship leaders', it would be to lead with an extraordinary love for the congregation. Try to choose songs that will reach a broad demographic, or at least have some variety and balance between traditional and contemporary according to the age groups and needs represented among the people. And pick singable songs in singable keys. And to the congregants: love and pray for your worship leaders; bless and encourage them. Whew! That was a rant. I hope I don't sound pompous. I guess I'm pretty passionate about this subject! I'm passionate about it because music is such a powerful form of communication and expression that God's given us."

I finished our interview by asking Jaylene what spiritual lesson she had learnt in the last year. "In 2004, a lot happened in my life. I released a new record, embarked on a coast-to-coast tour (any of you who have travelled in Canada can appreciate how rigorous a trip that would be), got divorced and moved, buried my grandfather, and had to become independent financially. Then I got into a head-on collision with a transport on the TransCanada Highway. What followed for 2005 was a year of being completely slowed down with excruciating back pain and complete social and professional change. But God, in all of it, and when I have considered myself the least deserving, has made his presence known in more tangible and beautiful ways than ever before. When I've asked him what he wants me to do, he's said, 'Sing and write! Who said you could stop just because it seems riskier now?' He's also told me that my job is to be what he has made me to be, and to not worry about the 'results'. He's reminded me over and over again that it's his job to worry about me. I need to rest and trust and KNOW him.

"Chronic pain does something to your mind too. It's made me question why God didn't just take me home in the accident and why he would allow on-going suffering. But again, he has been faithful. There is a surrendering and a peace that he's brought to my heart, and a paring back to the essential and most important things in life. I haven't had energy for much beyond the basics, and that's been okay. He's faithful. I'm grateful for the ways he makes himself known to me and shows his love. I am truly blessed."